Beg to take my leave

After birthing 3 children, hubby suddenly found me unattractive. When I try to look good for him, especially at home when I wear something nice to catch his eyes, he fires, “look at your slipper shaped bossoms,” or “I thought I told you to start watching that pot belly of yours?”

These statements always made me feel terrible but as a good wife, I’ll smile it off always. I never stopped making efforts, at a point I was consciously starving just to loose belly fat and when I did he told me;

“It would have been better if you didn’t loose the belly fat, look how saggy your tummy is now.”

This got me, I cried in the bathroom as usual after which I dried my eyes and continued living.

I made sure to use push up bras, waist trainers and all that but when we are alone and all those stuffs are off, he finds a way of reminding me how shapeless I was.

The depression kept building, for heaven’s sake, it was the birth of his kids that made me this way, would he have preferred a barren wife? Thoughts kept building, he began cheating on me but I couldn’t complain as I feared he would remind me of my ugly shape at any point.

Being that I had no friends, it made it harder for me. After 15 years of marriage and 9 years of torment from my husband, I decided to give up on my marriage.

I looked my best that particular Thursday afternoon as I entered into his office;

“Madam packaging, what brings you to my office, hope I am safe?”

The truth is, hubby always say these things most times sounding very light but it eats me deep.

I forced a smile, “Good afternoon, Paul. I need you to look at these papers and sign them,” I said almost sure of what I wanted.

“Ahah, is it a business proposal?” Paul said as he collected the papers.

“I’ll look at it during break time later today and lest I forget, I’ll be coming home with Philip and Ahmed, do well to stay packaged and prepare a three course dinner for us all. I’ll prefer that your special goat meat pepper soup for appetiser, I trust your judgement on the main dish and desert,” he said.

I smiled, stood up and left the office. I hurried home, made his three course meal, set the table, helped the kids with their home work and ensured they brushed their teeth and bathed too.

At 7:45pm Paul came into the house.

“Welcome honey, where are our guests? Dinner is served” I said as I went towards him to help with his suit case.

He didn’t respond, he stormed into our bedroom and shut the door leaving me outside. I didn’t bother to knock, when he took too long, I slept off in the living room.

Early the next morning, I prepared the kids and dropped them off. I returned home and Paul was still around. I went towards the door, I could here Paul crying and praying at the same time, “Lord forgive me, please help my wife to forgive me too,” was all I heard from the door.

I cleaned up the house, I needed to have my freedom again; I loved Paul but I had been pushed to the wall and I feared my reactions that was why I opted for a divorce even though it wasn’t what I wanted.

Paul finally came out of the bedroom, I was in the kitchen when he walked in.

“Matilda, can we talk?”

I followed him to the living room, he talked and talked and talked. He apologized severally but I only kept my gaze on him without saying a word.

“Please, say something. This silence is killing me, I promise not mention any of those things again, I won’t cheat. Please, think about our kids” he added.

It seemed my heart had been hardened, every word he said didn’t seem to move me.

“Don’t tell me your mind is made up already?”

He asked, I didn’t reply, I stood up, went to the bathroom to have my bath. I came out dressed, he was still sitting in the living room.

“When am I getting the signed papers?” I said to him but he knelt and held my feet.

I cared less, loosed myself from his grip and left the house, I wasn’t sure of where I was going but I knew I needed to think well.

After a week, I returned home, my kids came to hug me, “Mum, where did you go to? You left without a good bye,” they kept the questions up, I only smiled and told them it was well.

Hubby wasn’t sure of my reasons of returning, he followed me to the bedroom.

“Paul Thompson, what happened to our vows? Would you have preferred a barren sexy wife? The only thing I wanted was for you to support me as I’ve always supported you. You think I love this body change? Was this how you married me? Wasn’t it the birth of your kids that turned me this way? You made me feel worthless, I lost my self confidence because of everything you said to me. You cheated without hiding it, even when I found photo evidences of our neighbour on your phone, your apology was, ‘it is in man’s nature to cheat, it isn’t as bad as it seem.’ Where was that written in the scriptures? Did you marry my body or my entire being?”

After moments of silence, I added,

“I have forgiven you. Let’s have a fresh start, I hope you don’t go back to your old ways “.

Paul kept thanking me, I had to consciously let go of the pain and I am whole again so is my home.

Lessons:

Women go through a lot during pregnancy, childbirth and afterwards. The challenging part is the changes their bodies go through after child birth. The least you can do as a man is to let them know you appreciate their efforts and if you do not like how they look, there are many ways to help her get back to shape.

Women, there is a time to talk, let him know when you are not happy and the cause too. Proper communication heals, when you keep bottling it up, it would birth bitterness.

Divorce is not as cool as it looks.

“ Forgive and forget” this phrase is one of the greatest glue of every marriage.

Thank you for reading, sharing is caring. Follow us on Facebook and X (formerly Twitter)

Get involved

To help our children with school and therapy, education and employment, we have a donation page where everyone is free to donate as much as they can. Any amount is highly appreciated. More about our community purpose can be found HERE

You’ll get a sneak peak at our new issues, first access to exclusive Merry Women experiences and retreats, and secrets on all the people, places and things we’re obsessed with.Our secrets are your secrets. Sign up to our newsletter to always be in the know!