Five love languages

Many people have wrongly thought they have only one love language. Let us decode this. The 5 Love Languages concept was conceptualized by Dr. Gary Chapman in 1992. The five love languages are:

1. Words of affirmation

2. Quality time

3. Physical touch

4. Acts of service

5. Receiving gifts

Since then, many individuals have been wanting to find out “What is my love language?” The truth is, your relationship/marriage needs all these Love Languages in full measure.

Let me explain…

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION: Your partner will need you to affirm them. Love is kept alive by affirmations. It is why we say “I love you”, why we respond well to compliments no matter who we are or how old we are. When there will be tough days, which they will be many, we will need our partner to remind us we are great and we will make it. People who say “I don’t need to be affirmed”, most likely grew up without anyone appreciating them and so have learnt to numb up and not expect it. But love affirms. It is why during funerals, sadly we pour out our hearts and affirm the ones we love when they are dead yet we failed to do so when they are alive.

QUALITY TIME: No relationship can be sustained without quality time. You do not get into a relationship/marriage to be ignored and abandoned. Love = Time. What is the point of being with someone if you are not a priority to them and they don’t make time for you? People who claim, I am not big on quality time, most likely are used to doing life solo in the past and become used to it.

PHYSICAL TOUCH: You can’t get into a relationship and escape being touched. In marriage, you will sleep together, make love, hug. No one wants to be touched only when sex is the agenda. Most of the time people who avoid touching in their marriage is because they are either rigid or struggle to be vulnerable. Or perhaps grew up denied touch and so find it strange. Your skin was created to be touched.

ACTS OF SERVICE: You cannot love someone and not do things for them to make their life easier and comfortable. You cannot fully give yourself into a relationship and not enjoy it when your partner is thoughtful and looks out for your needs; unless you are too used to being independent which discourages you from needing your partner. Then why be with someone? Love is doing life together, serving each other.

GIFTS: Unfortunately, we have equated gifts to only being a necklace, a bottle of expensive perfume or flowers. Gifts are more than these. Gifts are anything of recourse you give to the one you love. Paying for your spouse’s school fees is a gift, buying your partner a phone is a gift, fuelling your spouse’s car is a gift, getting a Manchester United branded t-shirt for your man is a gift, buying her a laptop for her studies is a gift, buying your spouse a piece of land is a gift. It’s not that some people don’t mind gifts, it’s just that people have different preferences of gifts. Gift well according to your partner’s likes and needs.

All these five love languages are needed in your relationship/marriage. Instead of picking one and dropping the others, purpose to express love through all of them; let your love speak in all of these languages.

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